Everyone’s got a story. They’ve got that day, moment, or experience in life that changed them forever. For me, it’s a specific day and it happened after a crazy, scary experience. 

I  DOUBLED DOWN ON LIFE.

After 6 years of infertility, 5 miscarriages, 4 IVF treatments, thousands of 

injections, hundreds of miles, thousands of dollars, and one healthy baby boy named Madux, the crazy decision was made to do it all over again.

Baby A, Baby B, and Baby C! SURPRISE…TRIPLETS!

This turned my world upside down, as  Baby C was not progressing, it left us with only 2 options: Natural selection or selective abortion putting the twins in jeopardy. 

A little relief came as we found out nature had taken its course just in time. A bittersweet moment. Part of me was relieved and part was devastated. As every baby I have lost has come at the price of extreme measures taken to get to that point. 

I had an amazing pregnancy up until the last 3 weeks. I started to have severe back pain, edema, and vomiting all day. I battled through and made it to 37.5 weeks.

October 9, 2006, CHANGED MY LIFE FOREVER.

I went to the hospital in severe pain believing my water had broken. They ran some tests and admitted me right away. The results showed I had developed H.E.L.L.P disease syndrome in addition to preeclampsia.

In just a few short hours all hell broke loose. I was rushed to the ER where I was greeted by a large team and my doctors. The light was very bright and the room was a bit intimidating for not having a clue why I was even there.

They opened my legs and Merek came flying into this world at 5:32 p.m. lifeless and blue with the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck. My doctor’s face was full of fear as she tried to revive him. After several rounds, she passed him onto a nurse who took him to a secluded area I could not see. I kept asking if he was ok, and the doctor said “he will be fine, I need you to focus on the second baby.” It seemed like an eternity but I did hear a faint cry eventually which calmed me for a moment, and then on to the next delivery. Two nurses, one on each side, held Milana in place who was trying her best to change positions and go breech. 

I remember feeling very dizzy and sleepy as if I just could not stay awake. Struggling to communicate, I murmured about my overwhelming need to sleep. The urgency was conveyed to my doctor, who insisted, “No, she needs to stay awake.”  I tried with everything I had to stay awake and was so damn confused. It’s like everything was in slow motion for me and I was not comprehending why my mind and body were not aligned. 

The room was greeted by a few more nurses. One put a mask with a shield on my doctor and one held a bag, all to catch the blood that was spraying out which looked like something from a horror movie. I was hemorrhaging severely and it continued for 31 minutes straight until the princess decided it was time to come out. 

We welcomed Milana into the world at 6:03 p.m. I was severely anemic and white as a ghost. As soon as she came out, she was screaming, and they also took her straight to the secluded area as well. A voice nearby reassured me, “She is perfect.” Feeling the weight of exhaustion, I whispered my need for rest. The assurance came gently, “Yes, you can go to sleep now.”

I woke up the next day in the ICU. MY BODY WAS BURNING HOT AND ON FIRE.

I had muscular paralysis and was barely able to move my head from side to side. I was seeing 16 of everything and within the hour I went blind. I started hallucinating and drifting in and out of consciousness. 

Last I knew I had twins, and I woke up to this whirlwind of chaos.

For someone who likes control, I sure felt like I had none. I felt helpless, scared, and extremely sick. Doctors and nurses rushed in when they found out I had woken up. Surrounded by medical professionals, they gravely outlined the severity of my condition. I was informed that I had lost a lot of blood and my body was aggressively attacking both my red and white blood cells, making a blood transfusion unfeasible. They detailed how my liver was failing and that my blood pressure had skyrocketed from a comfortable 90/60 to a dangerous 239/132, putting me on the verge of either a stroke or an aneurysm. The conversation continued to the array of medications they were administering to sustain my life, including magnesium sulfate.

My room was kept at 60 degrees to cool off my body. I was not allowed to have visitors, phone calls, flowers, tv, any noise, or light. A slight rise in my blood pressure could end my life at this critical stage.

Through the incredible support of the medical team and my inner circle, hope was kept alive. They brought my twins to me, their presence a beacon of hope, fueling my fight to survive. The twins were brought into my room twice a day and placed in my arms, as I was informed about their appearances and how well they were doing. 

Despite not being able to see or fully feel them, their presence immensely lifted my hope. I was filled in about the personalities they had already begun to develop. The importance of living to be their mother and raise them was a recurring encouragement. An arrangement was even made for our 3-year-old son Madux to visit my room for an hour each day, a decision the nurses hesitantly approved, considering the emotional benefits outweighed the risks. This constant care, the comfort provided, and the guidance offered were the beacons of light in my darkest times.

Day 1 turned into 2, 2 turned into 3 and the doctors got discouraged by the results and my declining health. 

By day 5, a serious discussion took place with my closest support, where it was conveyed that preparations might need to be considered if I did not make it.

Day 6 and 7 were my worst days. I remember fighting so hard but feeling like no one understood me. I was part coherent and part delusional, but always knew my mission was just to survive. I didn’t even fully understand until later what I was fighting, at the time I was just fighting to not die, to see my babies. 

Day after day, the battle continued, with the medical team working tirelessly. By day 5, the situation seemed dire, but my spirit refused to give up. I fought through the confusion and delirium, driven by the instinct to survive.

Early on day 7, a panic attack struck, but calming breaths and determined resolve saw me through the night. By the next morning, the tide had begun to turn, signaling the start of recovery.

Slowly I started to regain my vision, and movement in my body, my speech came back, the swelling started to subside, my blood pressure was going down, my red and white blood cell count was increasing, and my liver failure was reversing.

But the greatest thing of all happened on day 9…..for the first time since their birth, I saw and held my twin babies. 

In some ways, this is my birthday too because I WAS REBORN!

I was never the same woman. I thought about things differently, I felt things differently, I acted differently, and my vision for life completely changed. What seemed to be fuzzy in the past was now crystal clear. I had a new appreciation for life.

For every great battle that ends in victory, there is a story to be told….This is my story!

I  DOUBLED DOWN ON LIFE. 

Get inspired by real and intimate stories of breast cancer survivors. Step into the minds of 3 amazing women who open their hearts and share their struggles and survival stories. 

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